


Carcinogen

by sharkduck



Series: Superposition Incognito [3]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Gen, Nightmares, Self-Hatred, Smoking, Toni gets introspective: the fic series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-15 09:30:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11228175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharkduck/pseuds/sharkduck
Summary: Carcinogen:car·cin·o·gen | nounA substance capable of causing cancer in living tissueA bad habit





	Carcinogen

**Author's Note:**

> wow this is the shortest fic i think i've written for this series, but to be fair im just now getting back into the saddle so. idk have this thing???

Antonio wakes up reaching for someone, fingers brushing the empty air in front of him. He wakes up in a sweat, another night terror, the same faces swimming in front of him in the dark for half a second before he blinks once, and they melt into nothing. He wakes up disoriented, wondering what year it is, who’s bed his sleeping in (it’s his bed; he knows this, but something in him wants to think that he’s with someone else, not alone like he has been for the past 80 years) and where. He wakes up needing a smoke.

The night air is unseasonably cold on the terrace of his apartment. Even still, he doesn’t bother to put on a shirt as he stares at his cigarette lit up against the night sky. Bright orange on black.

He’s grown to hate both colors, particularly together.

He cringes at the memories of an Antonio that he’d rather forget. He’ll never forgive that version of himself, which is why he keeps those memories buried deep inside a little corner of his brain, the one that occasionally likes to remind him that he is alone because of how deep he dove into that river of blood that his leaders had let loose. How, even today, there are still repercussions for the things they – _he_ – did. How he used to think the color of fire against a night sky was beautiful.

He crushes his cigarette in his hand and revels in the sting it gives the calloused flesh. It brings him back to reality; he is no longer that Antonio, but he will never forget all of the other Antonios he has ever been. He hasn’t quite deluded himself into thinking he can’t.

He lights another cigarette to calm the shaking of his fingers, and continues until the light of the sun gently dispels the shadows in his apartment, and reminds him that he has all the time in the world to atone for his past sins.

Antonio puts out his last cigarette and leaves the carton on the banister for the next night he'll need it, half empty.


End file.
